Low self-esteem in your teens, unhappiness in your twenties, anxiety in your thirties, settling into a steady series of acute depressions (a.k.a. mid-life crises) in your forties and fifties. And not just in people who are poor or overweight or from dysfunctional families. Just about everyone I know -- including some otherwise highly successful, extremely productive individuals with big houses and thriving families -- has gone or is going through some form of growing pains.

Exactly what's going on here?

No doubt a variety of factors are involved, but I think much of it can be boiled down to the haunting quality of a single thought: I am someday going to die without having anything to show for my life. We are human beings, and all human beings are driven to distinguish themselves in some way, even if only by making enough noise to get noticed for a few minutes in a lifetime. We need to feel valued. All of us are constantly struggling against a feeling of helplessness imposed from outside ourselves. We feel a primal need to do something significant with our lives, but more often than not we fail to identify anything significant that's worth our doing. Most of what we come up with is either significant but unachievable, or achievable but insignificant. Ultimately, most of us do very little that matters.

People deal with this failure in different ways. Some turn to food, gambling, or sex...some to drugs and alcohol. Others withdraw, and still others try to fill their lives with activities (such as shopping or world travel) that temporarily conceal this basic feeling of despair. In cases of obvious addiction -- physical, chemical, or emotional -- the problem may reach the surface, where the denial can be ended and the addiction confronted. In cases of free-floating anxiety or chronic depression, it can go undetected for years.

The solution seems simple, doesn't it? Stop treating the symptoms and go after the real cause. You feel depressed or angry or anxious and suffer from some form of addiction because you feel inferior, so why not just go out and achieve something? Not a bad idea, only it raises a new question: What to achieve? Many of our existing addictions may masquerade as achievement (for example, sexual conquests), but they're really just symptoms. It may sound like circular reasoning, but whatever makes you feel you've achieved something significant -- that you've done something worthwhile with your life -- that is what's worth achieving.

What is "significant"? The answer is different for everyone, and it's something you'll need to discover for yourself. If you picked up this book thinking it would give you the answer to what's important in your life, you're going to be disappointed. This book is designed instead to lead you down a path of self-discovery -- to show you how to find out for yourself what's important in your life. After all, who besides you is truly in a position to make that determination?

I said the solution seems simple, and in a sense it is. Listen to the voice of your heart. Find out what you want to do with your life, and go out and do it. What could be simpler than that? As a concept, probably nothing. But finding out what you want to do with your life -- discovering that which means something to you -- requires some work; making use of that newfound information in the real world requires even more work. You need to be totally committed to the process and dedicated to achieving the desired outcome. When you consider the frustration, confusion, or pain that many of us experience, and the rewards that await us if we can move to a new level of functioning, the price doesn't seem all that high.

This is not a how-to book, but more of a guidebook. It is designed to help you find a path, not specify a destination for you. Each chapter concludes with a summary of what I learned from the experiences described in that chapter. This may not be what you take away from that chapter. All of us are individuals. We tend to put our own "spin" on everything we experience, whether first- or second-hand. This is to be expected. My hope is that you will use what I have learned as a starting point for a much deeper exploration into your own life.

I've never written a book before. I don't know if I'll ever write another one -- not because I don't want to, but because I don't need to. Everything I have to say is right here. I want you to hear my message because if I can help even a few more people realize their true potential, I'll feel that I have fulfilled my mission in life. If that's what one person can accomplish simply by listening to the voice of the heart, think about what many of us can accomplish. It's a prospect I look forward to with great eagerness.
 
 

Expanded Table of Contents

Introduction: Hope, Self-Esteem, Truly Liking Ones self

Everyone needs to feel valued, yet few of us ever identify anything significant thats worth our doing. An addiction physical, chemical, or emotional is an attempt to mask the pain that comes from not feeling valued. The solution is simple: Achieve something significant. But "significant" is a relative term; there is no right answer for everyone. This book is designed to lead its readers down a path of self-discovery. It is meant as a starting point for a much deeper exploration of what is important in their own lives. It is about finding out who you really are and why you are here.

Chapter 1 You Had It, You Lost It

At an early age, some of us may have sensed the loss of love or of its unconditional nature. We spend much of our lives trying to recapture the wonderful feelings that preceded this loss. We seek acceptance from others as a way to regain lost parental love, although succeeding at this is a poor substitute for what we once had. The key to feeling loved and accepted again is to dedicate your life to accomplishing your unique purpose for being here.

Chapter 2 The Child is Father to the Man

A poor self-image developed as a child serves as a filter for every experience you have as an adult. Our predisposition to interpret events in a negative light becomes more automatic with every new experience. To achieve your unique purpose, you must believe you can. And to believe you can, you must unlearn the negative messages you received as a child.

Chapter 3 Why am I Here?

Start living from the inside out, that is, begin with your passions, your desires, your uniqueness. Do what you were meant to do, not what someone else decided you should be doing. To discover your passion, ask yourself the question "What one great dream would I dare to dream if I knew I could not fail?"

Chapter 4 Why Bother?

There are strong arguments for ignoring your passion and doing what others expect you to do, but stronger arguments for not making that compromise. Your life on earth is precious; being accommodating is not your purpose for being here. Being truly happy depends on discovering your purpose in life, which is something only you can do.

Chapter 5 Whats Love Got to Do With It?

Many of us have been carefully programmed not to love ourselves, which over time leads to a fear of self-love. Fear of success may reflect an inability to love one's self or others. Yet if you dig deep enough, you'll find we are all composed of the same spiritual essence, which is pure, perfect love. We're all part of what we call God, but we deny our godliness because we don't want the responsibility that goes with it.

Chapter 6 Chatting With Yourself

Truth resides within the truth-seeker. To get answers, go into the silence and listen to the still, small voice within you- the voice of the heart. The voice you hear is God talking to you, and the answers you receive will always be right for you. 

Chapter 7 Walking the Talk

Your true purpose in life may be revealed through your response to an unpleasant situation. Your passion isn't necessarily what you enjoy doing or are able to do, but what drives you at a deeper level.

Chapter 8 An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Ton of Theory

To fulfill your destiny as a human being, you have four responsibilities: determine your purpose for being here, commit to paying the price, live your dream from the inside out, and learn to love. All you really need to know exists within you. A way to find your path is to practice a technique based on the Relaxation Response.

Afterword

Its easy to continue doing what you've been doing; to throw everything away for the sake of your passion in life bespeaks profound irrationality. Yet are you really giving up everything? Wouldn't your leisure time be of a much higher quality if you loved your work? Balance is important, and pursuing your passion will probably help you improve the balance in your life.